Shiney.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

At the end of another five week term, I have time once again to stop and reflect. It's times like this that I feel very blessed and thankful for being a student, for being 'alone' in a sense, in a foreign country, for the time that it affords for thoughtful pause, rest and stock-taking. I'm not sure how often working life affords such moments for introspection, but seeing how Shen Kiat makes an effort to retrospectively reflect has made me better appreciate the importance of such an exercise (a very strenuous exercise for one like me who isn't naturally inclined towards reflection and introspection). I'm grateful to God for his good example and inspiration in this area that I'm weak in. Challenge is good :) It's all part of growing in discipline. And discipine is good. Leads to greater Christ-likeness.

If there was one word to sum up how I feel about my student experience thus far in London, it's 'thankful'.I'm thankful for the hostel I'm living in, for the peaceful atmosphere it provides for study, prayer, reading. I'm very thankful for the good neighbours I have, who do little acts of kindness and will go out of their way to care, especially when someone's feeling down, or stressed, or angry or fearful. I've learned that a cup of tea, a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, and a good long hug can work wonders. Even better if God opens the heart to honest sharing and prayer. And I'm thankful for God's preservation of my friendship with a close neighbour, despite the touchiness and senstivities of a difficult subject that I broached with her. I'm learning that love can be complicated - something I never really appreciated until I met her and got to understand her situation better. I hope this is God's way of teaching me empathy, though I must admit that there are certain trains of thought and ways of thinking that I struggle to understand. Oh yes, I've learned just how rigid, inflexible and stubborn I can be when it comes to certain convictions with regards to lifestyle choices. Better check myself more often to make sure I don't become a judgemental prude. Humility is key. Without it, there's a very rapid descent into prideful, self-righteous morality.

I'm thankful for the course I'm doing, for the things I've learned and am still learning. I'm thankful for the opportunity to study something I really like! It is really very much easier and much more pleasurable to spend long hours in study, when the subject is a preferred one. Best of all, I'm seeing how the science that I've been schooled in is applied in real-life clinical situations. Don't know when I developed this desire to see theory applied, but I'm sure it was somehow shaped by my time in VCF, seeing the Christian life through fresh lenses, through the living examples of faithful brothers and sisters serving Him in their different capacities and callings. The truth of Christ incarnate, the Living Word in action, finally sunk in at a ripe old age of 20 plus years (after more than 10 years as a well-schooled Christian). You see, I always absorbed the theroy quickly in school and in church but struggled with the practical application of it in real-life situations. I grew up in a theoretical world of possibilities and fantasies (all within my head of course), but was too timid and introverted to translate theoretical ideals and moral intuitions into practical action. I was a shy girl with low self-esteem, bound by a fear of rejection. It took a long time for me to come out of my shell, and an even longer time for me to be secure enough in Christ to break out of my comfort zone (self-absorption) and start to love others besides myself, but thankfully God continued to work in me and taught me many things during my undergraduate years in NUS. Christ-love is a lesson that I hope to never stop learning and growing in through the years. Ouch. That's a painful prayer.

And most wonderfully, most graciously, most beautifully and most lovingly, in the process of teaching me some painful lessons during those years, God prepared a good guy for me in the form of Shen Kiat! Every time I think about it, I'm struck by how different we are, but also how we make up for each other's weaknesses. I'm very thankful for this particular Lesson from God :) He's probably the most challenging one yet. But I know he's a good lesson, and I know he's from God. I hope he's equally challenged to grow in Christ as well, being in a relationship with me (which I can imagine must be trying at times).

There's probably much more to be said, with regards to what I've learned and how I've grown in the past half-year (so fast!) that I've been in London, but it's all too much for me to blog in a single post. If you care enough, keep me accountable for the follow-up post! The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. (Yah la I know that's not an excuse).

planted @ 9:03 AM

Christian Aid's Palm Sunday reflection, which I found very moving:

The gates of the city are open.
If we walk through them,
we will have to challenge power and vested interests,
to overturn status and wealth.
If we walk through them,
we will have to re-evaluate the way of the cross,
and recognise the sacrifice of the fearful and the proud
to preserve their own power.
If we walk through them,
we will have to leave behind the images of a Messiah that we long for,
a Messiah who will rule to the popular vote,
a Messiah who is always on our side,
a Messiah who is gentle, meek and mild.
The gates of the city are open.
Will we dare to walk through them?
or will we stand at their entrance
politely singing our hosannas?

planted @ 1:18 AM